The 8 of us here at boredgayboy.com offices have been, erm, consoling each other over the last few days over Keith Ledger’s death. Kevin has been in the corner sobbing, wearing nothing but a 2002-retro cowboy shirt (pink and brown, with pearl snaps), rocking back and forth, clutching a tattered photo of Keith, wailing, “I wish I knew how to quit you!” Poor lad.
Turn your sadness into gay rage! First, we have the usual idiots at the Westboro Baptist Church, who will be picketing Keith’s funeral:
Yes. WBC will picket this pervert’s funeral, in religious protest and warning: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked.” Gal. 6:7. Heath Ledger thought it was great fun defying God Almighty and his plain word; to wit: God Hates Fags! & Fag Enablers! Ergo, God hates the sordid tacky, bucket of slime seasoned with vomit known as ‘Brokeback Mountain’ – and He hates all persons having anything whatsoever to do with it. Heath Ledger is now in Hell, and has begun serving his eternal sentence there – beside which, nothing else about Heath Ledger is relevant or consequential.
Can you imagine sitting around with the loopy Phelps clan, watching Brokeback Mountain, passing around the unsalted popcorn and generic President’s Choice cola beverages? And at the spit-a-gob-in-your-hand-and-shove-it-in-all-at-once-owwwwwwwww scene? What sound does Fred Phelp’s 80-year-old penis make when it tries to get aroused?
And, secondly, we have — wait for it, wait for — Fox News asshole John Giboson, who is now half-heartedly apologizing for some homophobic slurs he made about Ledger. Who really watches Fox News anyway? I get my news from word-of-mouth and the interwebs. Anyway, here’s the retarded comments that he made about Keith on his show:
JAKE GYLLENHAAL [audio clip from ‘Brokeback Mountain’]: I wish I knew how to quit you.
GIBSON: Well, he found out how to quit you. -snip-
GIBSON: Listen, November ‘07, he was talking about — and this is a 28-year-old guy — saying, “Well, you know, it’s a whole — give me a whole different thought about death.” What? You’re 28 years old, and you’re thinking about death? Give me a break.
CHRISTINE: Maybe he was a deep thinker.
GIBSON: Maybe he was a weirdo.
ANGRY RICH: I’m thinking about it right now.
GIBSON: OK, anyway, Heath Ledger died, and I’m sure people will be upset. All you Brokeback Mountain fans, you want to give Christine a call, she’ll be happy to talk to you.
HEATH LEDGER [audio clip]: We’re dead.
GIBSON: “We’re dead.” -snip-
GIBSON: Maybe he had a serious position in the market.
TOM SULLIVAN: And possibly today, he looked at the window and said…
GIBSON: “Oh my God.”
SULLIVAN: His name’s not Keith Bledger, right?
GIBSON: He was depressed about yesterday’s downturn in the world stock markets. -snip-
GIBSON: Apparently Heath Ledger was suicidal and his friends saw it coming. I think he watched the Clinton-Obama debate last night. I think he was an Edwards guy, cause he saw his Edwards guy was just completely irrelevant.
There was the usual uproar from GLAAD et al, which forced him into this lame “I’m sorry that some took my comments as anti-gay and insensitive.” apology:
I’m so sick of Fox News and Fred Phelps. They’ll be the first to go when I become King.
