I heard my roommate having sex this weekend.
I should clarify my situation here.
I have two roommates who are at the opposite ends of the spectrum, one of them is gentle, portly, and unassuming, the other is vigorous, pleasantly airheaded, and male model gorgeous.
The male model has unbelievable lips, and a greek god of a body. He has a deep gay mannish voice, and a boytoy who resembles James McAvoy.
Overall I gave their moaning performance a 6 because they distinctly lacked spanking noises and crazy yells, but perhaps they were just trying to be nice and not make it honest that they were anally intruding each other.
It goes without saying that I was turned on, and its probably of little surprise to you that I have the distinct impression that Mr. Male Model has come on to me the once or twice I’ve interacted with him around the house and outside as well.
How can I tell? Well he once knocked on my door asking if I had a pencil, and the whole time he was STARING AT MY CROTCH. I never said he was mr. subtlety.
None of this should surprise you, my self-delusion and perversion of course, but what surprised me was this other feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach as I heard them going at it.
I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was at first, and the name of the feeling eluded me even as I went to work the next day. It couldn’t be jealousy or envy, I know how those feel like and this wasn’t it. It felt like a proverbial tooth was out of place that needed to be corrected.
And that’s when I realized what it was: Competition.
As a spic-ling, I was never one to really get into traditional sport competition, and so I’ve grown to have a very fucked up sense of competition. In this case, I heard their moaning and thought, “god damn it I can do better than that!”
Yes, I feel like I have to one up those boys, let them hear how we do it in Inglewood (loud fast and with Spanish expletives). Every moan was like mocking laughter directed at me from behind my bedroom wall, “haha look what I’m getting.”
Well no longer!
I’m going to stop playing with my Wii and start the moaning olympics with them…
I’m at a disadvantage because I lack anything resembling a boyfriend, and I’m afraid my slutty days may be over, but there’s no way I’m letting those bastards win. I will find someone to help out-moan them by this weekend if it kills them in their sleep using pills!