Water sports were invented in 1922. Yes, those water sports.
I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.
Do you sleep on your stomach?… No?… Can I ?
Hey, is it hot in here, or is it just you?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you and I together.
[Gesture for the boy to come over] […]
“Let’s get soakin’ wet!”
Do you believe in love at first sight?…Or do I have to walk by again?
You look like my 3rd boyfriend, and I’ve only had 2.
Excuse me, do you want a double entendre?
Your parents must be thieves cuz someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Do you have […]
Did someone say, “seamen”?
Greetings and salivations.
I’m not actually this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.
Hi, my name is Toby. Don’t forget, because you’ll be screaming it later tonight.
Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. He’d like your phone number. He wants to know where he can get a hold of me in […]
These woolen trousers are just making. me. so. darned. hot.
The voices in my head say you should go out with me….
Hi, can I buy you several drinks?
You: [Walk up to Boy and gently pull up their collar to look at the the shirt tag] Hmph! Boy: What the hell? You: Oh… […]
…and now for something completely different.
Have you seen this commercial?
Cute right? A 14 year old me would have video recorded this commercial, freeze-framed the last bit where the long haired boy is in his skivvies, and spent a better part of the summer masturbating to him and other prerecorded daytime tv sex scenes.
Thankfully I […]
I’m sorry I’m sometimes hard to deal with.
Sorry I don’t have a cause to believe in.
I’m sorry I’m not as perfect as you, or even as articulate.
Sorry I’m only good enough to be around part of the time,
because I’m not great enough to be around all of the time,
and I’m sorry you caught me on […]
I may be brave, courageous, adventurous, outrageous, bold, daring in many aspects of my life and the way that I live it, but for whatever reason I seem to be incapable of properly dealing with relationships.
For the past week I’ve been killing myself trying to figure out what to do about Ben… it was […]
Did someone say, “grease lightening!”?
There is something wrong with my phone. Could you call it for me to see if it rings?
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
My friends over there bet that I wouldn’t be […]
“I don’t know whether to open fire or fall in love.” - Cop from Batman Returns
This is a sentence which—in the wildest reaches of my most heinous fantasies—I never thought I would type. That is an idea as radical and foreign to me as my ex-boyfriend becoming the Prime Minister of Uzbekistan or touring as the opening act for Insane Clown Posse.
To understand why […]
