Reasons for anyone older than 22yo to spend time on Facebook:
- To stalk Kevin’s friend’s boss. Or Kevin’s boss’s friend. Or your friend’s friend named Kevin, gathering enough random information about him to finally stop poking and start flirting, via wussy nonchalant photo comments.
- To stalk the boy you went on one date with 2 weeks ago, to see whether or not he’d be desperate enough to respond to a 3:15am booty call.
- To stalk the boy you broke up with 2 weeks ago, to see whether or not he’d be desperate enough to respond to a 3:15am booty call.
- To stalk Jeff, the star quarterback of your highschool football team who you came dangerously close to kissing that one time at that party like 20 years ago, only to find he’s fat, balding, and a real estate agent.
That’s pretty much it. Oh, wait, there’s one more:
- To polish your own profile so perfectly, that #1, #2, and #3 will definitely happen to you, and #4 definitely won’t.
